I have been thinking a lot about comparison lately. It seems to be like a sickness sweeping over women everywhere. Last year, I wrote down some of my thoughts about it HERE. I still feel the same as I did then and it makes me ache when I hear my friends and family talk about how they aren’t good enough because they don’t do ________ or ________.
We just don’t seem to get it, do we?
I stumbled upon an article by MOM EXPLORES MICHIGAN that I really enjoyed. This part really hit right on how I feel…
We teach our kids that different is good, that life would be boring if everyone were the same. But when people are different than we are, or, more pointedly, better than we are at something, it makes us feel insecure...like them being great all of a sudden makes us less good. That feeling makes us scramble or insult or dismiss or excuse just to put ourselves back on higher ground.
But instead we sink, and we bring other women down with us.
I don't want people to dial things down so I can feel secure. My friends don't need to hide their talents so I can feel better about myself. I want to live in a community where women can showcase their strengths and pursue their talents at home and in the workforce without the fear of being or looking "too good."
I also loved the part where she talks about real feminism. Totally true. If you haven’t read it yet, please do.
As these thoughts have rolled around in my mind the past month or so, I have to admit, I do it too. When I see other people’s 4 year olds shredding down the mountain I am reminded that my 9 year old can barely ride a bike and my 1st grader isn’t even close to tying her shoes. When I cheer on my little cousin as she beautifully dances and twirls or as I watch a video of a friend’s child who is rocking her gymnastics meet, I let myself feel like a failure as a mother because my child just wants to sit in the sunshine and read. When I see the beautiful photos of fantastic places being visited and adventures being had, I feel that little twinge deep down that says being a stay at home mom isn’t enough. To some extent comparison is human nature. It isn’t anything new. It has always been and most likely will always be. Should we wish someone else not shine because we feel less? No. It doesn’t have to be that way. We can change. We have that power.
There are so many things I would like to share on this blog that I don’t.
As my baby girl continues to grow, I would like to turn this little hobby journal into something bigger. I love writing, but even more, I love to create, and yet I’m scared to share what I do. It feels like every time I share, someone says how perfect the project is, or I am, or my life is, or how untalented they are, or something along those lines, and then I feel bad. I shrink back because I don’t want to look like I’m perfect, trying too hard, or worse, bragging. The thing is, I’m not perfect. Surprise! Some days my life plain stinks. My husband travels all the time and I get crazy overwhelmed and lonely. I have a terrible time sticking to task and staying focused. I LOVE to cook yet I burn dinner 1/3 of the time because I get distracted. I have 7,000 unfinished projects and 14 balls in the air at any given time not because I want to show off, but because I am horrible at sitting still and finishing something. I am friendly and outgoing to a fault. I make mistakes, I say the wrong thing, I drop the ball, and I fail, a lot. But, you know what I’m realizing? That it’s ok. Because it’s real, authentic, and who I am.
I’m not going to be ashamed to talk about my successes and my failures on here anymore. I chose to be true to who I am. Because, after all…